regression | DUO ✦ INBOX (un: yjh)

[ It's a request that threatens to break Dokja, a sharp stinging immediate to the corners of his eyes as he squeezes them shut, throat impossibly tight while his arms pull Joonghyuk even closer as if holding on to a lifeline.

He hadn't wanted this, this spark of hope from just three words. But it builds and builds like an especially dangerous fire that can't be put out. What a cruel thing to do him, Dokja thinks. But it's fine if it comes from the very man who should be allowed every cruel action and word for what Dokja's put him through. If he wants to inflict the pain of hope, so be it. It'll war with the despair coiled around the reality of his situation, that someone has to read that story and how that someone has to be him.

Just like before on the subway, a half-truth formulates. ]

I'll wait.

[ And watch, and read, and dream. ]

[ Hope is what drove Joonghyuk to suffer all those regressions and hope will sustain him longer, perhaps forever. It's difficult to measure how important Dokja's answer is to him. It's not exactly what he wishes to hear, but it's enough. It's cruel of Dokja to say enough.

Joonghyuk thinks back to his speech at the industrial complex as they were transitioning to the final scenario... It was given to the masses, but he had wished it to reach the ears of his companions. He promised not to throw away his life, so they shouldn't throw theirs. Did that reach Dokja? He wishes to ask him. If he were to repeat it, would Dokja listen to him now? How many times must they repeat to him in many different words and ways—live. If not for himself, then for them... Because they love him.

These thoughts run in his head as he continues to rest against him, holding him close like he didn't point a sword at him earlier. The sprite seems pleased by all of this, if not teary-eyed at this scene. ]

... This isn't the same, but we did get to live in a big house.

[ Trying to... Transition to normalcy despite how heavy the questions and emotions unsaid and unexplained are. Unfortunately, there are things Joonghyuk will keep inside forever. ]

[ Ah. He's suddenly glad they're not facing each other with the devastation that's sure to be written all over his expression. There's heartbreak, too, the dream that he's always wanted at the very tips of his fingers, but too far away to properly grasp. It's not even a wall that separates him from them this time, but a glass window where he can only look in from the outside.

It's torture, yes, but he can't stop the trembling of his shoulders as he struggles to hold back a delirious laugh at the elation of such a mundane thing after everything they've been through. What a strange feeling it is to have both joy and a cutting sadness joined together in his heart, and he can't help the small laugh that escapes him even as it breaks off into what could be a strangled sob. ]

Oh...?

[ His voice is muffled against Joonghyuk's shoulder, eyes still closed tight as if he can't trust them to be open while he imagines all the people he loves living together in the big house of his dreams. Desperately, hungrily, he wants to know more despite knowing it would be a mistake to ask. ]

Did you manage to take the kids to the Han River like they wanted?

[ Joonghyuk had meant here, in the Netherworld. It isn't perfect—they're missing so many people that they have grown to cherish—but it's close. The days have passed by, mundane with only some intricacies from this setting, and he has learned to silently appreciate and enjoy their time here.

He can only hope that in the end, in the conclusion he's seeking, that they can live like this, too. ]

We did. [ ... Has Dokja ever suffered a squeeze in a hug that threatens his last breath out of him. ] You need to learn how to cook.

[ Help, he needs to breathe.

That hug might squeeze out his breath, but it gets a forced laugh out of him as well. This is... still so incredibly surreal to Dokja, but he doesn't want to pull away. Doesn't want to think of anything at all besides the warmth that grows from their physical contact, and the way he's being held like he's some kind of precious thing. What a foreign feeling. ]

Are you going to teach me?

[ There's a teasing quality to his voice, but he's fully expecting Joonghyuk to say no. In fact, he's banking on it because Joonghyuk teaching him how to cook sounds disastrous and stressful. ]

DUO ✦ INBOX (un: yjh)

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i didn't lose this tag wdym